Some of you here today are parents. Some are grandparents. Some are not parents but hope to be one day. So, whilst for some this won’t seem immediately relevant all Scripture is still good for us to consider (2 Timothy 3:16). This can help us;
- modify our parenting,
- plan ahead for how we might parent,
- reflect on our experience of being raised,
- inform us grandparents who to best support our grandkids,
- And for all of us inform us how to set a godly example.
Basecamp: Proverbs 22:15: Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away.
Some quick takeaways from this verse:
Kids are Not Perfect.
Foolishness is natural, not shocking. “Folly” here doesn’t mean stupidity—it means immaturity, poor judgment, and moral weakness.
The proverb assumes that children are not born wise. They naturally act impulsively, selfishly, or without understanding consequences.
Parents Must be Parents
Guidance must be intentional
The phrase “bound up in the heart” suggests that foolishness is deeply rooted, not just occasional misbehaviour. Left unaddressed, it doesn’t simply disappear with age.
“Maturity does not come with age but the acceptance of responsibility. That is why you can have a mature 17 year old and an immature 47 year old.” (Ed Louis Cole)
Wisdom, in biblical thought, is something taught and cultivated, not automatic.
Kids do not know right from wrong. No one teaches a child how to say no to you, they just do. That’s what theologians call ‘original sin’. It’s inherent within all of us.
I talk to parents regularly. Though they’re all different, their love for their children and desire to see them grow into strong Christians is unanimously the same.
Christian parents have always had the same task and the stakes have always been high, but the game has changed.
In today’s fast paced world, we need to ensure that our strategy for raising godly children isn’t viewed as a sprint, but rather, as a long distance effort that is going to need progressive training.
If you’ll turn to Scripture to train your children, you’ll find it is loaded with transformational truth that can take your kid from being obsessed with their image on Instagram, to being shaped into the image of Christ.
What’s the catch? There are no guarantees, no days off, you’ll wear out your knees, have to put down the phone, turn off the football, and have to read more than just Facebook statuses and tweets. Then, after at least 18 years of hard work, they’ll leave!
Ask any parent who’s raised godly kids by the grace of God and they’ll tell you – it’s worth every ounce of blood, sweat, and tears.
Make sure you’re taking responsibility by putting into practice these Christian parenting strategies every chance you get:
All of these are set in the example that you set in each of these areas. Children will imitate their parents. If they copy your behaviour you cannot chastise them without first showing them how to do a course correction or repent yourselves.
1: Teach Them How to Read Their Bible.
Colossians 3:16: Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.
Deuteronomy 6:6-7: These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
Ask yourself, “Do I know how to read my Bible and do I actually do it with joy?”
If so, make sure you model this for them. It’s mostly caught not taught so ensure that they see you do it before commanding that they do it.
Passion for the Word is contagious!
2: Pray With Them Daily.
Psalm 31:5: Into your hands I commit my spirit; deliver me, Lord, my faithful God.
This prayer was taught and said by Jewish chidrne at bedtime. It was said as a sing of trust that the Lord would protect them through their sleep and awaken them I the moring.
Sound familiar?
Luke 23:46 Jesus called out with a loud voice, ‘Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.’ When he had said this, he breathed his last.
Even on the cross, Jesus was trusting Father would resurrect him.
Teaching our children to pray is about them developing the relationship and trust in their Father God.
This one isn’t easy, but it’s one of the most rewarding things to watch progress. Lots of parents pray, but make sure you’re praying together too.
Starting early is good training for you too. It may be bedside prayers in the early stages, but then you could also ask them what they want to pray about as they age.
Then there’s family prayer times. You can set aside a weekly or daily time to pray for each other.
3: Discipline Them Wisely.
1 John 1:9: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
Teach them about sin and how it separates them from God.
“God loves me anyways, so it’s ok,” is prevalent in the Western Church. Antinomian attitudes towards the topic of sin need heart training, and biblical teaching.
Teach kids that sin ought to be confessed and share with them the joy and freedom that comes from Christ’s work on the cross!
They don’t need to just know that are reconciled to God the Father through faith in Jesus Christ – they need to know why. The gospel is good news, because we repent and turn from the bad news.
- Biblical Discipline
Most folks think they’re quoting the Bible when they say, “Spare the rod; spoil the child.” But you won’t find it in the Bible.
While the Bible teaches the importance of loving discipline, that phrase doesn’t appear.
The first time this phrase appears in print is in a long satirical poem called “Hudibras” written in the 1663 by English poet Samuel Butler. The poem, which fills up an entire book, is a satirical attack on hyper-legalistic Puritanism.
Butler writes: What med’cine else can cure the fits / Of lovers when they lose their wits? / Love is a boy by poets stil’d; / Then spare the rod and spoil the child. (Hudibras, part 2, canto 1, lines 841-844).
The current version of the saying is probably based on Proverbs 13:24: Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.
Let’s see what the Bible says about using the rod of correction in raising children.
- Punishment or Retribution?
“The rod of discipline” = corrective training
Western interpretation of this verse and Proverbs 13:24 has led to much abuse.
A (very) paraphrased translation of Proverbs 13:24 would be "to withhold your leadership and any consequences would be spoiling your child." It was not about physical punishment. The use of the shepherd's rod actually represented much more responsibility of the rod-bearer.
If the only disciplinary tool we have is the nuclear option, Defcon 5, then we are in trouble. Christian parents have actually let themselves off the hook by assuming it was just about physical punishment.
[Sidebar: The laws in England and Northern Ireland still permit parents to use ‘reasonable punishment’ which may be cited in defence if accused of hitting their child. This defence, set out in Section 58 of the Children Act 2004, does not apply if the punishment results in actual bodily harm or more serious injuries, but remains in place for milder forms of physical discipline. But what constitutes ‘reasonable’? The judgement is subjective and dependent on various factors, including the child’s age, the nature of the punishment, and whether it leaves any mark. This creates dangerous ambiguity, which critics argue leaves children in England and Northern Ireland less protected than adults. In short, smacking is allowed bruising is not.] In my opinion it will not be long before it is outlawed totally.
In ancient Hebrew wisdom literature (including the Book of Proverbs), the “rod” is a symbol of authority and correction, not a mandate for harsh or abusive punishment. The rod refers to the Shepherds rod, a five foot long stick. No one is advocating beating a child with such a thing; it’s metaphorical.
Discipline means consistent correction, clear boundaries, and loving accountability.
Disciple is not just punitive, it is the positive being reinforced daily. To have disciple is to have self-control. To train for a marathon you have tor un everyday. That is disciple.
So when I find a child doing something right I commend them! That is also the rod of guidance in action.
The goal is character formation, not venting anger.
Other Proverbs emphasise that discipline should be paired with love, instruction, and care (Prov 3: 11-12; 12:1; 13:24; 19:18; 29:15; 17).
In modern terms, this can include consequences, guidance, mentoring, and structure—methods that help a child learn self-control and wisdom.
Now, some of you, will be saying, I was smacked/beaten as a child and It did me no harm. I was too. Regularly. It may have temporarily changed my behaviour but instead of turning me towards my parents it built resentment towards them.
The Shepherds rod turns us tot he Shepherd (Psalm 23:4 - here the rod is used to provide security for the child of God).
Across the Book of Proverbs, discipline (Hebrew musar) has a broad, positive meaning. It is not mainly about punishment; it’s about formation—training a person to live wisely.
Here’s how Proverbs consistently uses the idea:
- Discipline = Instruction and Training
Discipline in Proverbs often means teaching that shapes the mind and character.
It includes correction, guidance, and instruction. It assumes a long-term process, not a one-time penalty.
Wisdom is learned through being taught and corrected
Proverbs 1:8: Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.
Proverbs 22:6: Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.
Discipline is the way wisdom moves from theory into lived habit.
- Discipline Requires Correction, Not Just Advice
Proverbs is realistic: people don’t grow wise by encouragement alone.
Discipline includes rebuke and consequences. Correction is meant to redirect, not humiliate. Ignoring correction is depicted as dangerous
Proverbs 12:1: Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid.
Notice: loving discipline = loving knowledge.
- Discipline Is an Act of Love
This is one of Proverbs’ strongest themes.
To discipline is to care enough to intervene. To withhold discipline is framed as neglect, not kindness.
Proverbs 13:24: Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.
In Proverbs, love without correction is not love—it’s abandonment.
- Discipline Has a Moral Goal
The aim is not obedience for its own sake, but wisdom and righteousness.
Discipline is meant to:
- Build self-control
- Teach respect for limits
- Form discernment between good and evil
Proverbs 29:17: Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire.
The end result is peace, stability, and mature character.
- Discipline Is for Everyone, Not Just Children
Although many verses speak about parenting, Proverbs also applies discipline to adults.
Wise people accept correction. Foolish people reject it.
Proverbs 15:31: Whoever heeds life-giving correction will be at home among the wise.
Proverbs 1:7: The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.
Discipline is a lifelong posture, not something you “outgrow.”
4: Teach Them About God’s Loving Mercy
Romans 9: 14-16: What then shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! 15 For he says to Moses,
‘I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.’
16 It does not, therefore, depend on human desire or effort, but on God’s mercy.
God’s mercy is not just being kind, although that’s a hallmark of it.
God’s mercy is freely shown to us through Jesus Christ
Love and mercy isn’t just giving to the poor, helping a friend, or giving someone a hug.
Kids need to be taught that good deeds without Christ are useless. One strategy that can be a huge blessing to their life is to help them articulate the Gospel in their own age-appropriate way. It could be as simple as 2-3 year olds learning to sing “Jesus Loves Me”, or helping your 4 year old understand John 3:16 by explaining that God sent His Son so we could be with Him one day.
Children don’t need to be systematic theologians by the age of 12, but they need good theology. Theology is an exciting part of life because it is literally helping kids know their God.
5: Teach Them to Examine Their Own Salvation.
This is more than praying the sinner’s prayer. That is the beginning (Romans 10:9: If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.)
We need to teach our children that true salvation bears lasting fruit, and true followers of Christ are known by the Holy Spirit’s sanctifying work in their life, and their obedience to Christ (John 14:21; 2 Corinthians 5:17; Galatians 2:20)
In the end, no parent can be certain that their child will follow Christ and no parent can guarantee that their parenting methods will produce the next Charles Spurgeon.
We simply have to obey the Bible as best as we can, love them sacrificially, and trust God with the results.
Wrapping this up:
So, I’ve been controversial for some. I hope this opens up a conversation for you to have with the Pastors, our Children and Family Worker, and your Children.
Blog Bonus:
Thoughts on Proverbs 23:13-14: Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die. Punish them with the rod and save them from death.
1. Ancient Israel’s Cultural Understanding
In ancient Israel discipline was viewed as essential for survival and moral formation. Society was communal and honour-based — a child’s behavior affected the whole family.
The “rod” symbolised:
Authority
Protection (like a shepherd’s rod)
Correction
Physical discipline was socially accepted.
It was meant to be controlled and purposeful, not abusive. The goal was to prevent a child from growing into destructive behavior that could lead to violence, crime, or spiritual ruin.
“Save them from death” meant Sheol. A place of death and waiting for judgement.
2. Traditional Christian Interpretation (Historical Church View)
For centuries, many Christian communities interpreted this passage as:
Supporting measured physical discipline.
Teaching that love includes correction.
Emphasising that unchecked behaviour harms a child spiritually.
Church fathers and later Protestant reformers often saw the “rod” as:
Both literal discipline
And symbolic correction (instruction, rebuke, consequences)
The focus was moral formation and salvation.
3. Modern Christian Interpretation
Today, many Christian theologians and pastors interpret this differently:
Emphasis on the text proverbial nature, using metaphor. Many see “the rod” as symbolic of:
Guidance
Authority
Consistent boundaries
They argue Proverbs is wisdom literature, not strict law. It gives principles, not mandates.
4. Child Development Awareness
Modern psychology has shown harsh physical punishment can cause harm. Positive discipline (firm but non-violent correction) is often more effective.
The Core Idea That Remains
Across interpretations, the central message is:
Loving parents do not ignore harmful behavior — they guide, correct, and protect their children’s future.
How Does God Discipline US?
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